This post was inspired by Michelle…
Sometimes we all need help. We all know deep inside when our spirit might be bruised, or energy extremely low, and it seems difficult to keep our head in the game of “taking care of self.” The problem is never the needing of help, it’s the not asking for it that becomes the problem. Why don’t we ask for help? Hmmmmm, I’m having to believe that the answers to that question could be varied and plentiful. Generally, I would have to say that we don’t ask for help for one of these three reasons:
- We’re afraid of looking weak or vulnerable.
- We’re convinced we should be able to solve our own issues.
- We don’t even know what’s really wrong, so we don’t bother exploring the issue.
As I said, there could be many reasons, but I do think that these are the big three. I generally fall into reason “2.” I usually think that I have the answer to my problems–even if I’m wading in the dysfunction of producing no positive results–I’ll keep telling myself that I will “get it” eventually. In other words, my perceive own experience being enough and I don’t need to seek the advice of others to help me find a solution. Nine out of ten times this might be true for most of us, but there are those times when reaching out to others is the definitive answer. But why? Why is reaching out for help, at times, important? There are two important reasons:
(1) We define and understand who we are in the world through dialogue and discussion. There’s a very true statement we all have uttered at least once or twice in our lives. The statement is, “I just needed to talk it out.” Talking it out is key in becoming self-aware of our situation and understanding if we have become cause in the matter. Somehow talking out loud about what’s going on inside you with another person becomes much more productive than working it out in our own head. To that extent, journaling, a form of talking it out on paper, has always been, for many, an amazing way for discovery and self-actualization. Talking it out helps us see what is really going on. It assists us in helping us distinguish that facts of the matter versus the stories we’ve made up about what happened. When we keep all of our concerns, fears and frustrations inside, they ramble through our brain in non-linear form. We can go from sad to mad without any logical connection. The mind is where emotion and fact become fused and indistinguishable from one another. Talking it out help us to make sense of our own thoughts. Others can offers us feedback and ask us questions that place our experiences in perspective. We are social creatures who define ourselves in relationship to others and the specific roles we play in their lives.
(2) Inner strength developes from the synergistic and regenerative nature of assistance. Did you know that we all have something in common with a hybrid car? Well, we do. Humans have a kind of regenerative breaking. What is regenerative breaking? Here is a standard definition:
A regenerative brake is an energy recovery mechanism which slows a vehicle or object down by converting its kinetic energy into another form, which can be either used immediately or stored until needed. This contrasts with conventional braking systems, where the excess kinetic energy is converted to heat by friction in the brake linings and therefore wasted.
So in simple terms, when you put on the brakes, the energy you use to stop is converted back into energy to move you forward. Humans have regenerative breaking too. When we take the time and put on the breaks to slow down and ask for help, that energy converts back into energy we will use later to power our transformation forward. Just look at it this way, when you slam on the breaks because you are going in the wrong direction, the energy you use to stop is waiting for you to power up your moving forward in the right direction.
We all need help at sometime. Asking for help and receiving help is an extremely powerful experience. It’s quite instinctive for us to want to help others and to ask others for help. What gets in the way are the conversations in our head…the ones we make up…about what asking for help means. Asking for help is simply asking for help. Period. It encourages your own self-growth and validates both parties in their unique abilities to contribute to society.
Big picture: Ask for help when you need it. It’s a WIN WIN for everyone.